Blonde Jokes How do you drive a blonde crazy? --Hide her hairbrush. Why do you take ablonde shopping with you? --So you can park in the handicapped spaces. Why does a blonde wear panties? --To keep her ankles warm. How does a blond turn on the lights after having sex? --Opens the car door. What do you call a brunette between two blondes? --An interpreter. What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair? --Artificial intelligence. What is the difference between a blond and a 747? --Not everyone has been in a 747. Why did the blonde have a bruised belly-button? --Her boyfrind was blonde too. How do you give a blonde more headroom? --Adjust the steering wheel. How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? --Wave. How did the blonde get hurt raking leaves? --She fell out of the tree How do you make a blonde's eyes sparkle? --Shine a flashlight in her ear. What did the blonde say after her boyfriend blew in her ear? --Thanks for the refill. What do you call 10 blondes standing side by side? --A wind tunnel. What do you call a circle of blondes? --A dope ring. How do you drown a blond? --Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool. --Put a mirror on the bottom of the pool. What do blondes put behind their ears to attract men? --Their ankles. What goes VROOM! SCREECH! VROOM! SCREECH! VROOM! --A blond at a flashing red light. What is the difference between a pregnant blonde and a lightbulb? --You can unscrew a lightbulb. What does a blonde say when she finds out she's pregnant? --Gee, I hope it's mine. What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? --You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball. --You can't get a blonde in a bowling ball. What does a blond say when she opens a box of Cheerios? --Look at all the doughnut seeds! Where does a blonde wash her hair? --In the sink...where else do you wash your vegetables? How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday? --Tell her a joke on Friday. What do you do if a blonde throws a hand grenade at you? --Pull the pin and throw it back. Why did the blonde have a hard time making Kool-Aid? --She couldn't get all the water in the little packet. Why couldn't the blond make ice-cubes? --She didn't have the recipe. What is a blonde's mating call? --I'm soooo drunk! What is the brunette's mating call? --Have the blondes left yet? Why don't blondes like to wear hoop earrings? --Their high heels keep getting caught in them What do you have when there are three blondes in a corner? --An air pocket. How do you know when a blonde has been using your computer? --There's white-out all over the screen. What do you call a virgin blonde? --A newborn What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? --They're both empty from the neck up. Why don't they give blondes coffee breaks? --It's such a pain to re-train them afterward. If a blonde and a brunette fell from a building at the same time, who would hit the ground first? --The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions. How do a blonde's brain cells die? --Alone. Why did the blonde climb the glass wall? --To see what was on the other side. What do blondes and cow pies have in common? --The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. What do blondes and turtles have in common? --Once they're on their backs they're screwed. What's the other difference between a blonde and a 747? --A 747 only goes down occasionally. What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket? --Rebel without a clue How do you know when a blonde is having her period? --Whe can't find her pencil and her tampon is behind her ear. Why did the blonde have a square chest? --She didn't realize that she was supposed to take the kleenex out the box. Did you hear about the blond who lost 85% of her brains? --Her husband died. Why can't blonde's fart? --They don't shut up long enough to build up the pressure. What does a blonde say in the morning? --Who ARE you guys? What did the blonde say after having sex? --So, are you guys all on the same team? What do you call a dozen blondes in the freezer? --Frosted Flakes. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? --13. 1 to make the batter, and 12 to peel the m&m's. Why do bondes drive BMW's? --Because they can spell it. What do a group of blondes have in common? --Nothing they can think of. Why did the blonde get 17 other people together to see a movie? --Because 'under 18' was prohibited. Why do blondes poof their hair so high? --To catch everything that goes over their heads. Why was the blonde happy when she finished the puzzle in a week? --The box said '3-5 years'. What do blondes and computers have in common? --You don't know what you're missing until they go down. What is the definition of gross ignorance? --144 blondes. What do you call a blonde with half a brain? --Gifted. What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO? --People have seen UFO's. Why did the blonde get fired from her job at the m&m factory? --She kept throwing away all the w's. What is the difference between a circus and a group of blondes? --A circus is a cunning array of stunts. What do you call the skeleton of a blonde found in a closet? --The winner of a hide and seek game. How do you confuse a blonde? --Tell her to alphebetize m&m's. What do a blonde and a bowling ball have in common? --You can throw them in the gutter and they'll come right back to you. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Source--Unknown